It's Valentine's day and here is a wizard tradition you both need and deserve! Pornomancers go bump in the night, and in fact at any time, place or occasion. Anyone who uses this in an actual game will be my hero, but please make it only tolerably awkward and embarrassing to your fellow players. And if you want to be offended, go do it somewhere else.
I blame Konsumterra and some Discord posts from a while back for giving me the idea. ;)
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| Thugboy from Empowered |
You are an
Outlaw. Maybe the prudish medieval society just doesn't get you, or maybe you really are a dangerous sexual maniac.
Starting Items:
- random spellbook,
- robe,
- sexy underwear to wear under your robe,
- one sex toy of your choice.
Starting Skills: I'm sure you can thing of many. Pick any two.
Perks & Flaws:
You can tell the sexual orientation of any creature at a glance. You are also immune to STDs.
You need sex before sleep to regain your MD.
Cantrips:
- Control Fertility: You can make your sperm sterile or prevent fertilization of your eggs.
- Defoliate: You can remove any hair with a touch.
- Lubrication: You can cover any surface with a pleasant-smelling lubricant by running your hands over it.
Spell List:
1. Glamour
R: touch; T: creature; D: [dice] x 2 hours
Weave an illusion that makes the target appear attractive and physically in their prime. You could modify age, waist or breast size, musculature or skin tone and tan. Grime, pimples or lice could be hidden, teeth whitened, voice and scent made more pleasant. But it is all just an illusion.
If [sum] is 12 or higher, the duration becomes permanent until dismissed.
Magical make-up made easy, and great for disguises. Undead pornomancers will really want this spell, as their condition may otherwise make finding a lover rather difficult.
2. Teleport Clothes
R: 50'; T: [dice] creatures; D: 0
The target's clothes are teleported off their body and left haphazardly strewn nearby. If [sum] is 12 or higher, the spell affects even weapons and armour.
Failing your Save was never so hilarious! Also great for throwing your opponents off balance as they scramble to cover their sudden nudity, to create a distraction when you undress a few people in a crowd, or to annoy your fellow PCs and make other players really uncomfortable.
3. Biggus Dickus
R: 0; T: self; D: [sum] minutes
A female caster grows a penis, while male caster enlarges his in size.
For every [die] after the first, pick one of the options below:
- Your penis grows even larger. This option can be picked multiple times.
- You produce larger amount of semen. This option can be picked multiple times.
- Your penis transforms into a magical wizard penis. Roll here.
- You grow a second penis.
With 4 [dice], the spell becomes permanent until dismissed.
This is one of the few pornomancer's spells that have their use mostly limited to sexual encounters... unless you roll a good wizard penis. Thanks, Konsumterra.
4. Summon Sex Slave
R: summon; T: summoned slave; D: [sum] hours
You summon a sex slave of any gender, appearance, race or species you wish. The slave is a non-sentient construct of magical force, though it appears very lifelike. It has [dice] special sexual skills of your choice.
The slave will obey any and all of your commands irrespective of its own well-being, though it is very clumsy and uncreative in all but sexual activities.
Tell the slave to seduce and have sex with someone, and it will be more than competent. Tell it to cook you a diner, and it will prepare something that is most likely edible, but not very tasty. Give it a weapon and tell it to fight, and it won't even know to evade enemy attacks and will probably skewer itself. No HD and hp are given because the construct is not conjured to be hardy, and will shatter and dissolve upon taking damage. Still, phantasmal servitor has many uses.
5. Groping Tentacles
R: 50'; T: area; D: [sum] rounds
A swarm of tentacles bursts from a solid surface 10' in diameter. Any creature inside or moving through the area must Save vs Dex or be tripped, grappled, groped and penetrated. The tentacles have 10' reach and Str of 10 + ([dice] x 2).
Solid battlefield control spell, the sex is just an added bonus.
6. Pick spell according to your sex:
Sperm Spear (male)
R: 100'; T: creature; D: 0
You ejaculate a piercing torrent of semen. You deal [sum] + [dice] damage to the target, no Save.
Vagina Dentata (female)
R: 0; T: self; D: [sum] rounds
Your vagina expands and grows vicious teeth. You can make bite attacks for 1d6 + [dice] damage.
With 3+ [dice] on a successful attack, you can attempt a Str check to swallow your opponent whole. The opponent will take automatic 1d6 + [dice] damage per turn from being crushed in your womb until they escape with a Str or Dex check, die, or the spell ends, whereupon they will be shunted out of your body. You cannot be harmed from the inside by a swallowed creature and can continue making bite attacks even with a creature swallowed. You can swallow creatures no larger than your own size.
Skerples wrote that every wizard should have at least one damaging spell. I'm quite sure this is exactly what he had in mind. Also the body horror is priceless.
7. Arousal
R: 50'; T: [sum] creatures; D: [dice] minutes
The targets become intensely sexually attracted to each other, no matter their normal behaviour, preferences, or even species. They will immediately commence sexual activities, and will ignore all non-threatening creatures and events for the duration of the spell.
If only a single creature is affected, they will masturbate.
Note that while this spell makes people horny and without inhibitions, it does not prevent them to react to their situation, especially when threatened. You better cast this spell before combat and sneak past the resulting orgy.
8. Pick one of the following:
Delay Sensation
R: 0; T: self; D: [sum] minutes
For each [die] invested, pick one type of effect that will be suspended for the duration. This can be anything from orgasm to poison, madness or Fatal Wounds.
You can not die from poison and
pleasure your partner for longer at the same time!
Enhance Sensation
R: touch; T: creature; D: [dice] rounds
The target becomes incredibly sensitive, receiving double effects from all sources.
Good pornomancers use this spell on their lovers, bad on their enemies.
9. Healing Hump
R: touch; T: creature(s); D: concentration
Heal
up to [sum] hp. You may distribute healing among as many creatures as
you can shag, as long as the total hp healed does not exceed [sum] and
you maintain concentration.
10. Impossible Fit
R: 0; T: self; D: [dice] hours
Your body becomes supple and flexible, capable of withstanding larger penetration without damage or pain. More [dice] increase the limits of your flexibility.
If [sum] is 12 or higher, you can be penetrated even in orifices that normally do not support such endeavour.
While this spell doesn't grant you any additional inventory slots, it allows you to hide items of considerable size where very few people would go looking.
11. Pick one of the following:
Sex Shape
R: 0; T: self; D: permanent until dismissed
You can polymorph into any creature you had sex with. You can only transform into creatures of HD up to twice yours. You gain all abilities and limitations of your new form, except that you retain your mind.
At 1 [die], you can only assume forms similar to your own. At 2 [dice], you can also transform into animals. At 3 [dice], you can shapeshift into magical creatures. At 4 [dice], you can polymorph into undead, spirits and aberrations.
Gender Bender
R: touch; T: creature; D: varies
The target is gender-flipped.
The spell duration is [sum] minutes at 1 [die], hours at 2 [dice], days at 3 [dice], or permanent until dismissed at 4 [dice].
The
GM is encouraged to apply any appropriate penalties due to the shock,
confusion and physical differences. This spell is an actual polymorph
effect, and the target is even fertile if they were in their original
gender. I'm not going to even try to address stuff like periods and
pregnancies.
12. Power Word: Orgasm
R: 30'; T: [dice] creatures; D: [sum] rounds
The target has a strong orgasm for the whole duration of the spell.
While I leave the exact effects of this spell up to the GM, I'd suggest something like being stunned on a successful Save and incapacitated on a failed one.
Here are some extra spells that can be chosen with your Master of Magics ability:
Speak with Genitals
R: touch; T: genitals; D: 10 minutes
The genitals of the touched creature are compelled to answer [dice] questions. They will answer honestly, but their knowledge is mostly limited to sex and other activities directly involving them rather than the whole body.
Induce Lactation
R: touch; T: creature; D: [sum] hours
The target starts lactating. The target must have nipples or teats, but their sex or natural ability to produce milk is irrelevant.
With 1 [die], they produce an amount of milk normal for their species. With more [dice], they produce larger quantities of milk and can be milked more frequently.
Combine this with the cat wizard's spell bless milk
for best results.
Baleful Contraception
R: touch; T: [dice] creatures; D: varies
When used on a female, she must Save or miscarry if pregnant. With 3+ [dice], she also becomes permanently infertile.
When used on a male, he must Save or become impotent for [sum] days. With 3+ [dice], this effect is permanent.
If you think an evil witch needs to be even more reprehensible, give her this spell and make her use it.
Bless Breeding
R: touch; T: [dice] creatures; D: one copulation
Grants advantage on any check to impregnate or be impregnated. If both partners are blessed, impregnation is automatic unless one of them is magically infertile. With 3+ [dice], even interspecies impregnation becomes possible.
For every 6 points of [sum], roll another impregnation check to determine whether multiple pregnancy results.
Where did you think centaurs, owlbears or half-dragons come from?
Peniscry
R: 0; T: self; D: [sum] hours
Your penis falls off, grows wings and starts fluttering awkwardly. You can still feel through it and guide its movement. If you retrieve it before the spell ends, you can reattach it no problem.
Feminist Agenda
R: 100'; T: [dice] penises; D: [sum] minutes
The target must Save or loose his penis. With 4 [dice], the spell becomes permanent.
Both peniscry
and feminist agenda
thought up by Type1Ninja.
Mishaps:
- Your MD only return on a 1-2 for 24 hours.
- You take 1d6 damage. Your genitals are grazed and painful.
- Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then Save. Permanent if you fail.
- Random insanity for 1d6 rounds, then Save. Permanent if you fail.
- You catch a random STD (ignore your usual immunity).
- Spell targets you (if harmful) or enemy (if beneficial) or fizzles (if neutral).
Dooms:
- You become permanently infertile. No magic can cure you.
- You can no longer eat, drink or sleep, but can substitute sex for any of these necessities.
- A group of 2d8 horny devils and 1d4 tentacled monstrosities will try to drag you down to Hell, to serve in one of the pleasure houses for the rest of Eternity.
You may avoid your Dooms by restoring your virginity through rituals of cleansing and purification (and at least one casting of
regeneration for women), or by pledging eternal servitude to the Queen of Succubi.
