Handkerchief of Holding

As my current campaign is nearing its end, I would like to share the contents of the party's "hankie of holding", their portable hole, after seventy-something sessions. As a bonus, it is nearly a d100 table.

 

I love Munchkin.

1. A bronze prosthetic arm. Once grafted, the hand can be shot out on a chain (30 ft) and controlled even when extended.
2. A golden coin with a lightning-like emblem
3. Silver coins with a runic cobra emblem, 4
4. Half of a treasure map
5. Hand mirror and comb, both embellished with dragon motives
6. Chess table, heavily scratched
7. Chess pieces, magical, missing a white pawn
8. Bottles of aged wine, 10
9. Lots of dirty books, to be sorted
10. A book titled "A Practical Guide to the World of Little Fairies: All Fey from the Thumb-Sized Sprites to the Exceptionally Large Toddler-Like Gnomes", in Elvish
11. A book titled "Balalán: The Myth, the Legend", badly translated into Hinnish
12. A book titled "Ley Lines 201", in High Imperial
13. A book titled "Being a God", in Dark Speech
14. A book titled "Getting Started with the Undead", in Dark Speech
15. A book titled "Conversations on Primordial Magic", in Dark Speech
16. A book titled "Magical Batteries in Theory and in Practice", in Dark Speech
17. A book titled "Biomancy and Biokinetics: An Exposé", in Dark Speech
18. A book titled "Of Beateous Peoples and their Mist-Shrouded Isles", in Elvish
19. A book titled "A Dragon Tale A Day", in Draconic
20. A lexicon of trollish runes
21. A book titled "How to Quickly and Easily Exterminate the Dark Ones", written in an eclectic mix of Draconic, Hinnish and Thieves' Cant, but using exclusively trollish runes. A thousand page tome written by a harengon alchemist who was often described as stark raving mad. It seems he truly was. His entire magnum opus is built on the unwavering assumption that the Dark Ones are physiologically and psychologically identical to the common household rat. On the other hand, it does contain a few genuinely excellent alchemical recipes for rat poisons.
22. A book titled "The Triune Divinity: Two Truths and a Lie", in Low Imperial
23. A book titled "All the Drugs and their Effects: A First Hand Testimony", in Elvish. Authored by Tamlin Nerri, with a hand-written inscription reading: "To my dear friend Tardinal, with platonic kisses always yours, Tamlin". The prose is passable, but feels like the author was high the whole time.
24. A huge tome bound in black leather; its title "The Aristocrats" is emblazoned in tiny letters on the spine. Still chained to a wooden lectern.
25. Bag of 1771 gold pieces and 50 silver pieces
26. Rope, 15 yards
27. Pieces of a shattered jade statue, 5
28. Silvered letter opener
29. Four of diamonds, chewed up
30. Saxophone
31. Torches, 14
32. Tinderboxes, 3
33. Underdark spices, 2 doses
34. Gel of regeneration, 2 doses
35. SuperSunScreen™, 3 doses. Offers resistance to radiant damage and protection from sun-based vulnerabilities for 8 hours.
36. Depetrification salve, half a dose
37. Decontamination pills, 2
38. Elixir of invulnerability
39. Potion of death ward
40. Potion of lesser healing, 2
41. Potion of lesser restoration, 3
42. Potion of maximum power, 2
43. Vial of poison, unidentified
44. Vial of holy water
45. Vial of silver dust
46. Truth serum, 4 doses
47. Pipe weed, 14 doses
48. Black lotus, 3 doses
49. Shadow fairy dust, 3 doses
50. Clean change of clothes
51. Crowbar
52. Hammer
53. Pick-axe
54. Wooden stake
55. Body pillow, stolen from the Antling Citadel
56. Longsword
57. Manacles
58. Spell scroll, empty
59. Spell scroll, Guards and Wards
60. Spell book, shot through
61. Mithril plate armour, shot through
62. Cloak and feathered cap with a monogram "H.M." (Hubert Malévol)
63. Signet ring of the Malévols, their chalice has been defaced with crude scratches imitating thorny brambles
64. Box warded against magical radiation
65. Egg that summons a purple worm when crushed
66. An enchanted quill that writes down what you dictate
67. A tea set, magical
68. Herbal tea, 10 doses
69. Black tea, 10 doses
70. Violet tea, 3 doses
71. Blue tea, 4 doses
72. Fairy dragon coffee, 2 doses. When drunk, the drinker's speed is tripled, they have +5 AC, an advantage on Dexterity saving throws, and gain +2 Actions. In the next round, however, the character loses their Action and suffers one level of Exhaustion.
73. Wood infused with god-power, 1 cord
74. Backpack, embroidered with "❤️ From Mum"
75. Food rations, 2
76. Slingshot
77. Basilisk tooth dagger, counts as +3 against stony creatures
78. A magical staff made from a gnarled branch, with a crystal set into its tip. It is wrapped in several layers of cloth and carefully bound, with a tag reading: "Warning, cursed item. Do not touch!" and "Seriously, don't touch it. It's not worth it." handwritten beneath it. When a magic-capable character touches the staff, they are dematerialized and imprisoned within the crystal. A character trapped inside the crystal can still see and hear the outside. They may expend a spell slot to materialize for a number of hours equal to the spell slot's level, but once that time expires, they dematerialize again and, regardless of distance, are instantly drawn back into the crystal. Any number of characters may be imprisoned within the crystal.
79. A black iron quarterstaff. Requires attunement by a spellcaster and serves as a spellcasting focus. While wielding the staff, the bearer: a) Has resistance to fire and necrotic damage. b) Gains the Hellish Rebuke spell. c) Whenever they cast a spell that deals fire or necrotic damage, they may suffer one level of Exhaustion to make that spell automatically deal maximum damage.
80. A demonic cup. When filled with fresh innocent blood, allows communion with any demon whose true name you know.
81. Tears of Irias, 2. Pearls that allow communion in dreams when swallowed.
82. Uniform of Irias' personal guard. Black with yellow decorations and a faceless mask.
83. Uniform of Xiximanter's army officer. Black with emerald and orange embellishments.
84. Stolen suitcase of viscount Lucius Malévol. Filled with frilly clothes, plus 122 gold in a pouch.
85. Golden medallion bearing the visage of a sleeping elf princess, wrapped in Malévol's silken undies
86. Scroll case with the maps of Xiximanter's military headquarters, thaumic bomb factory and the sewers of Balalán
87. Wine bottle filled with the antimagic blood of Eldjárn Wrixling, 2 doses
88. A fragile glass sphere filled with vitriolic acid
89. Shadowy copies of a fistful of jewelry
90. Lard
91. A cursed short sword of the plague. Every successful hit applies the Contagion spell, but the curse has a harmful effect on any wielder not immune to diseases. Such wielder must, at the end of each battle, succeed on a Constitution saving throw or be afflicted with a random disease as per that spell.
92. Simple gold stud earrings. Once both are put on, a strange curse takes effect - the wearer cannot remove the earrings without the Remove Curse spell, and at the same time becomes incorporeal. They remain normally visible, only slightly translucent.
93. Brooch of beauty. The bearer is covered by a permanent illusion that functions like a makeup, concealing any imperfections in appearance - undeath, mutations, etc.