The Last Stand: Diceless Pseudo-Wargame

Caput Caprae has reminded me of a game we used to play with my brothers when I was about twelve years old, which could be considered an extremely rudimentary kind of wargame. Maybe. We have built many a fortress from LEGO and wanted to have a nice siege, but knew nothing about wargames. So we made our own. These are the rules reimagined from what I remember, because of course there were no written rules.

You only need LEGO blocks to play this game. I will refer to the block names from here.

Units:

• Soldier (1x1 Brick or 1x1 Brick, Round) is the basic unit.
• Rider is a soldier on a horse (1×2 Plate). They are better in melee.
• Hero is a soldier with a coloured cap (1×1 Plate, Round). They get superpowers.
• Catapult (1x2 Brick) allows you to use the Missile action.
• Siege tower (2+ stacked 1x2 Bricks) allows soldiers to move over bulwarks.
• Dragon (2×2 Brick) is a bit overpowered.

The rest of the blocks should be used to build forts and fortifications.

Setup:
Prepare your terrain. We usually had a carpet as the dry land, with the floor around standing for the sea. Books and boxes and whatever else you have at hand can make for nice cliffs and mountains. And of course, don't forget to prepare your LEGO castle.

Decide how many units of which kind each player will get. There were no unit prices in our game, we made up a scenario and each player would take whatever units seemed appropriate. The Last Stand actually refers to a popular scenario of ours - one player gets the castle, the other player gets a much bigger army besieging it.

On the other hand, the number of caps for heroes and mages should be about the same for all players. If you don't have enough caps for everyone to have the same choice of hero powers, then the player who will go last in turn order picks one cap, then go in reverse turn order until the desired number of caps is chosen.

The players then deploy their units at will. Once again, in a pre-made scenario, this didn't matter that much. Units cannot be attached to the bulwarks they stand on - either cover the walls in smooth tiles or put the units across the pins. We want not-so-stable, free-standing units for the Missile action.

Turns:
Determine who goes first, then players alternate turns. On your turn, take one action chosen from the following types:

1. Missile
2. Move & Melee
3. Magic

Missile

You can only take a Missile action if you have a catapult on the battlefield. You also have limited ammo per turn - we played with 2 or 3 shots, I think.

Put your hand over any of your catapults, then throw a projectile. Any unit, friend or foe, that gets knocked over is killed. If a unit is knocked back but not over, it survived. Note that units that are harder to kill in melee get no such protection against missiles, and fortifications can also be knocked down by missile fire.

Our projectiles were usually 2×2 Brick or 1×3 Brick, but sometimes we also had glass marbles or bearing balls. We never did this, but you could have several kinds of siege engines with different ammo, like making a ballista by shooting a rubber band. Or use dice as missiles.

Move & Melee

Move one group of units across the battlefield. They cannot pass through enemy units, bulwarks or castle walls, or other impassable terrain. Otherwise, you are the judge of what counts as "too far to move in a single turn". Forts and fortifications should have some access point that you can conquer. Or you can move a siege tower next to a wall, then on your next turn move your units inside. Riders and catapults, however, cannot use siege towers.

Castle gates, by the way, can only be destroyed by missile fire (don't attach the gate firmly), a Shatter spell, or by a hero with Might. We didn't use any battering rams.

When (groups of) units end up adjacent, a melee ensues. Sum up the number of kills each side achieves, then remove that many units - the resolution is simultaneous and the sides can achieve mutual wipe out.

• Each soldier causes one kill.
• Each rider kills two and takes two hits to kill. One hit alone does not cause them lasting harm.
• Heroes cause [1 + number of caps] kills and take the same number of simultaneous hits to kill. This can be further modified by their powers.
• Dragons are a bit of a special case, see below.
• Catapults and siege towers cannot attack in melee, and get "killed" in a single hit.

For example, Alice moved 2 riders and 8 soldiers next to Bob's group of 10 soldiers and a catapult. Alice gets 12 kills, Bob gets 10 kills. Bob's group is completely wiped out, while Alice keeps 1 rider.

The active player decides which units from a group (both their own and enemy) are killed, but should start from the closest units. Especially if a group of soldiers is guarding a hero or a siege tower, you cannot kill the protected unit before removing its guardians.

Magic

You can cast one spell per action by removing one cap from any of your heroes. This may cause them to become a normal soldier.

• Berserk: The hero's group deals double damage until the end of your next turn.
• Protection: The hero's group cannot be harmed until the start of your next turn. If the units are knocked down by a missile, they must be restored to their original positions.
• Curse: Choose a player to curse. If the cursed player wants to use a Missile action on their next turn, they have to do so blind.
• Brambles: Choose a player; their units cannot Move & Melee on their next turn.
• Fear: Move an enemy group of units.
• Construct: Build and place a new structure somewhere near the hero. For example, a ramp to the castle walls.
• Shatter: Remove (a part of) a structure.
• Summon: Deploy a new group of units. The group is placed around the hero. You may not add more units than you had at the start of the game, so either you have kept some in reserve, or you are summoning the reanimated bodies of your dead soldiers.

Heroes:
Heroes get superpowers (in addition to the Magic action), denoted by the colour or shape of their cap.

• Might: Counts as a catapult and may destroy structures by attacking them.
• Shield: Cannot be killed by missiles or magic. If the unit is knocked down by a missile, it must be restored to its original position.
• Immortal: When killed, remove one of their caps and re-deploy them at the end of your next turn.
• Assassin: Can scale walls and terrain, so can Move pretty much anywhere on the table.

By the way, you can put a hero on horseback for that extra bit of power.

You can also make fun hero combination like an immortal assassin - move them behind enemy lines to kill a valuable unit in melee, and though as a lone unit they will be killed, they will just come back for another assassination.

Dragons:
Dragons are like heroes on magical steroids. They can fly (as Assassin) and use fire breath (as Might). They also kill 10 units in melee and have to be hit by 10 units simultaneously to die*. They can also be ridden by a hero.

*) I think. I don't remember the exact number, but it was something like this.
 

The Square Kingdom of South America prepares for battle...

 

...with the hundred heroes of the Round Realm...

  

...who serve the accursed Skull Titan...

 

...while the immortal Dragon Queen of Africa
watches from afar, ready to pounce on the weakened winner.

From an Ancient Bestiary

I was going through some boxes in the attic when I found my old school notebook from when I was nine or ten years old. It contains what is probably the first bestiary that I've made, scrawled in between homework. It is... rather silly, really. Apparently I was enamoured with deadly poison and big numbers at the time. And the word "super".

This is no RPG bestiary, mind you. Just some hand-drawn monsters with short descriptions of capabilities. For your enjoyment, I have scanned the pictures and noted some fun facts from the descriptions. Hope you like really shitty art.

 

Winged Knight
His right hand has been replaced with a hurricane-strength wind cannon and he is apparently wearing heavy armour, yet he can still fly. His sword is also "super-sharp".

 

Carp Knight
This one had his right hand replaced with a water cannon capable of cutting steel, his fish-scales are as hard as his armour, and he can swim at a maximum speed of 300 km/h.

They are not present in this bestiary, but I distinctly remember there were more types of these knight, the Knights of the Labyrinth. There were the Four-armed Knights (with two arm-cannons) and the Tentacled Knights (with a normal upper body and a lower body dissolving into a mass of tentacles) and maybe even more that I don't recall. They all hail from the Enchanted Labyrinth, a dungeon that we explored with my brothers before we knew about any RPG rules and systems, using just make believe.

 

Three-humped Dragon
I like how this dragon is more of a chimera, mixing bits of a camel, hippogriff, goat, lion and an actual dragon. His three humps allow him to survive without food and water for up to three years and he can fly at a top speed of 300 million km/s, which is a thousand times faster than light. It is not written anywhere, but I'd like to imagine that this dragon can survive in the outer space and migrates between solar systems.

He also doesn't breathe fire, but rather shoots lightning from his horns.

 

Unicorn Devil
Probably my favourite creature of this bunch, simply because he looks so silly.

The unicorn horn secretes a "super-deadly" poison. I told you it's coming. The devil horns are even stranger, with a note saying they have "magic rope". Can they manifest some animated rope, or what exactly is going on? It's a mystery.

He is also noted as being super strong and tough, wearing no armour and needing none.

 

Mud Devil
This is both a devil and an alien, hailing from the solar system of Sirius. His whole body is made of living mud, which lets him pass through cracks or grating. He's also in love with lasers, because both his sword and his staff can shoot lasers.

 

Alien of Jupiter
Or I guess Jovian?

He can fly (presumably via psychic powers) and shoot ball lightning from his antennae (seen in action on the picture). His robe is also indestructible.

 

Tiny Ghost-Ghoul
His tentacles have venomous suckers, though not super-deadly this time. However, the weapons are enchanted to kill instantly.

Being a ghost, he can also phase through walls and fly. No information is given on how tiny he truly is, but given that I had once considered it necessary to mention his size, he is probably really small.

 

Elastic Ghost-Vampire
Now this one has a fun form of attack. His whole body and all the hands can stretch and twist. He reaches through a wall to grapple a victim, and once the victim is immobilized, bites them and drains their blood.

 

Poison Daisy
Not only does this flower have venomous teeth, she is also thorny with any scratches resulting in an infection. Thankfully, she is rooted in place, so just keep your distance.

 

Serpent Sapling
It's a coniferous tree sapling which can slither around on its single overlarge root. It can also shoot needles imbued with super-deadly poison. And it's so small and inconspicuous it can easily hide. Oh joy.

 

Guardian Robot
I don't know what is he guarding, but he might be better off switching lines of work to a killer robot. His right hand-cannon fires rockets while the left hand-cannon produces a death ray. He can also stomp for a shockwave, shoot lightning bolts from his antenna (Why did I like electrified antennae so much?) and if all that fails, bite off your limbs. His visor pierces invisibility and the material of his body ignores intangibility.

Finally, he can slide out wings and fly, with a maximum speed of 300 million km/s. Now I must imagine a chase scene where this robot is attempting to capture some adventurers riding three-humped dragons, plummeting through outer space at FTL speeds.

 

Sunfire Monster
Not much is noted about this creature, except that it attacks with flaming fists that burn with the heat of 11 trillion °C. Funnily, our Sun at its very hottest, in the very core, only has a temperature of 15 million °C.

Oh, and he also ignores cold of up to -100 °C, but given how he would pretty much instantly turn the whole planet into a ball of plasma, that shouldn't be a problem.