From an Ancient Bestiary

I was going through some boxes in the attic when I found my old school notebook from when I was nine or ten years old. It contains what is probably the first bestiary that I've made, scrawled in between homework. It is... rather silly, really. Apparently I was enamoured with deadly poison and big numbers at the time. And the word "super".

This is no RPG bestiary, mind you. Just some hand-drawn monsters with short descriptions of capabilities. For your enjoyment, I have scanned the pictures and noted some fun facts from the descriptions. Hope you like really shitty art.

 

Winged Knight
His right hand has been replaced with a hurricane-strength wind cannon and he is apparently wearing heavy armour, yet he can still fly. His sword is also "super-sharp".

 

Carp Knight
This one had his right hand replaced with a water cannon capable of cutting steel, his fish-scales are as hard as his armour, and he can swim at a maximum speed of 300 km/h.

They are not present in this bestiary, but I distinctly remember there were more types of these knight, the Knights of the Labyrinth. There were the Four-armed Knights (with two arm-cannons) and the Tentacled Knights (with a normal upper body and a lower body dissolving into a mass of tentacles) and maybe even more that I don't recall. They all hail from the Enchanted Labyrinth, a dungeon that we explored with my brothers before we knew about any RPG rules and systems, using just make believe.

 

Three-humped Dragon
I like how this dragon is more of a chimera, mixing bits of a camel, hippogriff, goat, lion and an actual dragon. His three humps allow him to survive without food and water for up to three years and he can fly at a top speed of 300 million km/s, which is a thousand times faster than light. It is not written anywhere, but I'd like to imagine that this dragon can survive in the outer space and migrates between solar systems.

He also doesn't breathe fire, but rather shoots lightning from his horns.

 

Unicorn Devil
Probably my favourite creature of this bunch, simply because he looks so silly.

The unicorn horn secretes a "super-deadly" poison. I told you it's coming. The devil horns are even stranger, with a note saying they have "magic rope". Can they manifest some animated rope, or what exactly is going on? It's a mystery.

He is also noted as being super strong and tough, wearing no armour and needing none.

 

Mud Devil
This is both a devil and an alien, hailing from the solar system of Sirius. His whole body is made of living mud, which lets him pass through cracks or grating. He's also in love with lasers, because both his sword and his staff can shoot lasers.

 

Alien of Jupiter
Or I guess Jovian?

He can fly (presumably via psychic powers) and shoot ball lightning from his antennae (seen in action on the picture). His robe is also indestructible.

 

Tiny Ghost-Ghoul
His tentacles have venomous suckers, though not super-deadly this time. However, the weapons are enchanted to kill instantly.

Being a ghost, he can also phase through walls and fly. No information is given on how tiny he truly is, but given that I had once considered it necessary to mention his size, he is probably really small.

 

Elastic Ghost-Vampire
Now this one has a fun form of attack. His whole body and all the hands can stretch and twist. He reaches through a wall to grapple a victim, and once the victim is immobilized, bites them and drains their blood.

 

Poison Daisy
Not only does this flower have venomous teeth, she is also thorny with any scratches resulting in an infection. Thankfully, she is rooted in place, so just keep your distance.

 

Serpent Sapling
It's a coniferous tree sapling which can slither around on its single overlarge root. It can also shoot needles imbued with super-deadly poison. And it's so small and inconspicuous it can easily hide. Oh joy.

 

Guardian Robot
I don't know what is he guarding, but he might be better off switching lines of work to a killer robot. His right hand-cannon fires rockets while the left hand-cannon produces a death ray. He can also stomp for a shockwave, shoot lightning bolts from his antenna (Why did I like electrified antennae so much?) and if all that fails, bite off your limbs. His visor pierces invisibility and the material of his body ignores intangibility.

Finally, he can slide out wings and fly, with a maximum speed of 300 million km/s. Now I must imagine a chase scene where this robot is attempting to capture some adventurers riding three-humped dragons, plummeting through outer space at FTL speeds.

 

Sunfire Monster
Not much is noted about this creature, except that it attacks with flaming fists that burn with the heat of 11 trillion °C. Funnily, our Sun at its very hottest, in the very core, only has a temperature of 15 million °C.

Oh, and he also ignores cold of up to -100 °C, but given how he would pretty much instantly turn the whole planet into a ball of plasma, that shouldn't be a problem.

QHW, Day 15: Crowns

• Nobility has nothing to do with bloodlines and birthright, nor some nebulous moral concept. Being noble is a metaphysical quality that literally turns your blood blue.
• Similarly, wickedness turns your blood green. Greenskins and wicked witches were human once, before their evil deeds turned them into a wretch.
• Blue blood makes one more beautiful, intelligent, healthier and longer-lived than normal humans. Extraordinarily virtuous nobles will one day find a set of wings growing from their shoulders.
• Only those of blue blood may hold land or serve as knights.
  
• Green blood makes one stronger, tougher and more ugly than normal humans. Wretches of unprecedented depravity will eventually be twisted into quadrupedal beasts incapable of speech, who can nonetheless punch through a stone wall.
• Your blood does not change all of a sudden, but rather every good or evil deed shifts it little by little. The art of bloodletting can separate this changed blood and remove it from the body, slowing any effects your behaviour might have.
• Blood transfusions can be used to completely stave off green blood, though this practice is less well-understood and much more dangerous. Some people will still turn to it in face of a looming wretchedness; such miserable creatures are called vampires.
• Transfusions of blue blood into a normal human let the human enjoy some perks of nobility for a short while, helping them to heal from a grievous injury or a serious disease. Many legends feature a noble sharing their blood with an ailing companion to save their life. The stories about nobles kidnapped for their blood, to prolong the life of some old, wealthy and unscrupulous man, are only whispered, though.
• Some greenskins, on the other hand, have forcibly conscripted more of their kind by injecting their blood into humans.
• Mixing too much of both blue and green blood in one body can have horrific consequences. At least one assassination is known to have been carried out by injecting a great noble with green blood. Accidental mixing (such as when someone kidnaps a noble for nefarious purposes of blood transfusion, unknowingly turning most of their blood green in the process) are much more common though. The resulting abominations would be pitiful, if they were not so frenzied and hostile.
• The flagellant knights train themselves to reinforce their will while weakening their bodies, bleeding themselves every day with barbed whips. Thus they reduce the amount of blood they have, making every deed count more, thus bringing them more rapidly towards the angelic metamorphosis.

Čert

While watching the many folk and fairy tales that are on the TV during the Christmas holidays, I realized that Czech take on Hell and its inhabitants is perhaps a bit unusual. In pretty much every story, the devils (or rather čerti, singular čert) and Hell are displayed in a positive light.

Čerti are not malicious, true evil is always found among humans. Čerti might be lazy, bureaucratic and ineffectual, but in the end they are there to punish and take away the sinners, thus leaving Earth a bit better off than before. Interestingly, angels, Heaven and God appear very rarely, and justice is generally served because čerti and good humans cooperate against evil humans. The mills of God Hell grind slowly but surely.
 

A čert coming out of the oven to get you!

 
Three main types of čerti appear in the folk tales:

The trickster čert is charming and the most diabolic, tempting people to sell their soul for money, power or magic. However, he likes and oftentimes ends up helping good people who defy him, even borrowing them magic items or coming to their aid. He will employ his human friends to get at sinners who protect themselves from Hell with holy ground or other magic. He will always have a contract for one's soul ready, to be signed in blood.

The punch-clock čert is ugly and dirty, but scary only because it's his job. He will try to frighten you, but if that fails, he will probably offer you a roast and a beer, then complain about how boring the job is, or hellish wages, or some such. He's very likely to be fooled and trapped by some evil human, who than uses stolen hellish magic to commit actually evil deeds. In that case, the čert will need to be saved by the human protagonist.

The clueless, young čert is either the protagonist, or his (soon to be) friend. He's really not good at this devilish stuff, and one of his blunders will probably strand him on Earth until he can recover a lost magic item / find a fugitive sinner / otherwise make up for his mistakes. He also tends to fall in love, which generally ends up in a wedding (becoming human optional).

When Lucifer, the King of Hell himself, appears, he ranges from being a wise mentor to the protagonist, to a strict and grumpy, but still fair and just ruler. He always comes off as nearly a saint in comparison to the corrupt, lazy, spiteful and outright cruel nobles on Earth. He will grant a wish (or three wishes) as compensation to innocents dragged to Hell by mistake (caused by the young čert above).
 

Lucifer in attendance on human wedding.

Every čert

• is male. Female čertice are very rare.
• has horns. These grow with age and power, so a young and weak čert will have tiny horns, while an older čert will have much bigger goat's or ram's horns.
• may have a hoof instead of one foot, or a tail. This is not always the case, though, so let's say 1-in-6 chance of each.
• spits brimstone, which can start fires.
• is immortal and immune to fire.
• is repelled or even burned by anything holy.
• cannot harm an innocent person.

d6 Hellish Powers

1. Human disguise: Loose the horns, hoof and tail, plus change from any demonic garb into a commoner's clothes (weak čert), huntsman or soldier uniform (trickster čert), or a noble attire (powerful čert). Also removes the soot and smell of brimstone.
2. Animal form: Transform into a black (d6) dog/cat/goat/horse/crow/rooster.
3. Hell portal: Teleport between Hell and Earth with a cloud of smoke and brimstone. Most čerti can only do this when they drag a soul to Hell, but Lucifer and his trusted lieutenants can pop anywhere at will.
4. Pyrokinesis: The more powerful the čert, the hotter the flames.
   
5. Telekinesis: Only the most powerful čerti.
   
6. Wish: Can grant wealth or build palaces to humans who sign away their soul in blood. Only Lucifer can grant wishes without getting a soul in return.
   

d8 Gifts from Hell

1. Cloak of invisibility: As any other cloak of invisibility, but doesn't work when wet and burns up when touched by holy water.
2. Tablecloth of wine and dine: When you unfold it, conjures a magnificent feast.
3. Sack of soldiers: Open to summon a squad of damned soldiers that will be loyal to whomever holds the sack. Treat as normal HD 1 soldiers, except they have Morale 12 (if they run, they go back to Hell; if they die, they go back to Hell) and disappear in flames when killed.
4. Bag of many items: Take out any item you can think of and that could fit inside of the bag. Each item taken is a sin.
5. Coat of gold: A dirty, threadbare overcoat. When you reach into a pocket, you always find a gold coin. However, no amount of grooming can make you presentable (-4 Charisma, -4 to Reaction rolls) and the coat disappears if you ever take it off.
6. Seven league boots
7. Scarf of fire resistance
8. Posh needle: Knits the most beautiful attire you can imagine out of thin air, but the clothes become ash when touched by sunlight.

 
All of these were given to the protagonist of one fairy tale or another.
 

Sinners in cages and boiling in cauldrons.

 
Here are several films that should give you a taste of čerti and their Hell:

• Anděl páně (Angel of the Lord): A čert tempts his angel buddy to fall, then does his best to get him back to Heaven. Available on Netflix.
• Čertí brko (The Magic Quill): Quite anvilicious, but has very nice depiction of bureaucratic Hell. Available on Netflix.
• Nejlepší přítel (Best Friend): This one actually inspired the post. Available here, but without subtitles.
• Princezna ze mlejna (Princess from the Mill): Your friendly neighbourhood čert. Available on Netflix.
• S čerty nejsou žerty (Give the Devil His Due): Basically a cult classic around here. Available here, but without subtitles.
• Z pekla štěstí (Devil's Own Luck): How being friendly with Hell can help you slay a dragon. Available here, but without subtitles.

So maybe the next time your players run into devils, these might be well-meaning collectors of evil souls, or good-natured spooks just doing their job.

Suicide Demon and Angel of Mercy

The Church calls them demons, subtle killers or suicide whisperers. The Heralds venerate them as angels, bringers of mercy and peace, the compassionate whisperers.

They can help a person find relief from their ills, but they leave sorrow behind. They would never harm a soul and only seek to ease all pain, yet they kill with mere words. They never appear materialized and no happy person will ever see them, but those wounded, depressed, sick, old or with no purpose in their lives will be visited. They are always compassionate, soft-spoken, clothed white and bearing a slightly sad smile.

Where whisperers come, all suffering flees. Even those who cannot see them will be rid of their pain (PCs don't know their hp left, GM will track hp for them). Once you can see them*, they will talk to you. Their voice is beautiful and soothing. You will calm down and relax even if combat is still raging on around you, even if you are bleeding or holding your entrails as they fall out of your body. There will be no pain, stress, fear or madness (all mind-affecting effects are suppressed when actively talking to a whisperer, even permanent insanity).

The whisperer will tell you that no one should suffer as much as you do. That the world is wrong, broken by the Adversary and filled with pain the humanity should never have known. That the Heaven is waiting for you, full of serenity and happiness. That you can end it now, painlessly, and they will lead you to the gate. That they will have to leave and all the pain and madness will return. That this is your chance for salvation.

They don't lie. You can detect falsehood or deception as much as you'd like, but you'll find none. If they are demons as the Church claims, they themselves were deceived as they sincerely believe what they preach. They feel true compassion with the plight of mortals and only want to help you realize that this life is a trap of the Adversary and the Heaven awaits beyond death.

If you consent, they will advise you how to kill yourself quickly and beyond recovery. You may coup-de-grace yourself. If your friends are dying, they will beg you not to deny them the Paradise they have at arm's reach. You may try to take an action that would remove lethal wounds, but have to Save or fail to do so.

They will smile, delighted, and show you the jewelled stairs to the Heaven.

When a child dies, they will lead them to the Heaven's gate and weep tears of black tar. They love children. One of the ways to destroy a whisperer is to slowly torture an innocent child to death where the whisperer cannot reach it to ease the pain. The whisperer will scream, then beg you to stop, offering anything in return, then die of grief.

Suicide Demon / Angel of Mercy

HD 3

Def leather Atk none

Save 12 Morale 6

Special invisible, intangible, aura of mercy (30'), soothing speech
Motivation to relieve all pain, to make children happy

by Bo Klinge

*) This requires that you have some lethal wounds, injures or insanities, suffer from a poison or a disease, are under mental distress (especially grief, depression or resignation), or are of venerable age.